:::: Being inside your head is a terrible place to be. And living there is synonymous to a dangerous neighborhood.
Here’s why: Because the mind has a mind of its own. It’s a rational organ that is fueled by thoughts and ideas, and its job is to process only. No feelings involved. That’s what you have your heart for. Living in your thoughts could poison your passions and dreams. I fell victim to this unknowingly and it costed me a great deal of opportunities, blessings, and other great experiences, not to mention growth in my personal life in friendships and relationships. I couldn’t enjoy certain things because it had to be a certain way in order for me to be sure that the outcome would be how I had pictured it. The reason being is because I developed a hunger for wanting to get things right the first time, and allowed the level of uncertainty of the outcome to deter me from moving forward with a lot of things. To put it plainly, whenever I met a challenge that I couldn’t see myself conquering, I’d simply go the other way. As a result, I began trying to live up to the expectations of others, placing too much value in the perception of me from others rather than the perception of myself & living up to that. Being a person with high expectations, I’ve realized that I’ve set a bar too high for myself that I couldn’t reach and lost sight of who I was- or, AM- in the process. I began not being able to handle the simple things, like “loving criticisms” if you will, because the tough skin I thought I had became sensitive to the slightest things. And all because I didn’t have control of my own mind and I allowed it to run around like a bad kid outside running the streets with no shoes on.
Well, people. I have found the opening to this box I’ve placed myself in. And it took for me to get into a car accident yesterday to finally get it (no worries, I’m ok!). I asked God for a sign, one that I wouldn’t miss. Something I wouldn’t mistake for him and one that I would get right off the bat (that’s my controlling side). As I was going to pick up the lunch my department ordered, I hit someone while coming to the light. Listen. I hit them HARD! My car jerked back. When I got out to check on the couple, I chose not to look at our cars until I knew they were ok. They were smiling thankfully. We each got out to analyze our cars. I looked at my bumper – No scratches or dents. My initial thought after that was, “wow, I’ll forever be a Chevy customer then! This car is durable!”. I looked at their back end. Again, nothing. It was if there was no accident at all. After everything was over, I continued on to pick up our lunch. Once I calmed down, I began to question thinking “Ok, sooooo, what was the point in that? What THAT the sign? If so, that’s not what I was looking for and what am I supposed to make of it anyway.” It didn’t done on me until two hours into a phone conversation with my Mom Mzz TLove that it made sense – You don’t know what the outcome is going to be and sometimes it may turn out better than you expected. Even when you don’t see how and clear evidence may show that the end result should be X.
I say all that to say that I’m moving out of my mind into a better place in my heart and learning to be ME in this world. The architecture of this place is much prettier and the neighborhood it’s in will allow me to go out and sit on the porch and enjoy the scenery without the worry of getting shot by one of Life’s gang members.
So, allow me to re-introduce myself. I’m Tami Taylor. Nice to officially meet you.